Under Pressue

After my very dramatic Blog 3 (ahem), I think that it is all right (although very very difficult) to admit that I am having what seems to be a type of lethargy. I feel as if I am simultaneously working my butt off and yet I never seem to do enough. My father, worried about my grades last quarter (with good reason), told me that I have but six months more. I've been running a marathon for ten years, and I've run harder perhaps than I should have. Never mind, people would say one can never run hard enough. Anyhow, my father then went on to explain that I am but six months shy of the finish line (because colleges will probably not ask to see my senior grades...or maybe they will...dang it) and it would be a waste and a disappointment to slow down now. Just keep running, and you'll finish strong.

The reason I share this life story is because it connects very well to a large paragraph on pg. 147 of Self-Reliance. This paragraph describes two young men, one a city dandy and the other a country boy. City Dandy, who is described as your friendly neighborhood nerd (yours truly), "studies at one of our colleges and [complains when he] is not installed in an office within one year afterwards in the cities or suburbs of Boston or New York" (147). Although I am not fond of the comparison, I see myself in him. I have always been afraid of disappointing people (sorry to sound dramatic or cliche) - perhaps it's the whole issue of self-reliance in me. Anyhow, I am planning to go to a college that doesn't "sell me short", as a family friend is fond of saying. It'll probably be an Ivy League or something of the sort. But I've always toyed with the idea of going someplace no one knows about. I probably just like the idea of shocking people, but what would happen, if indeed, I went to Kalamazo (which is a real college)? Would my chances for greatness be ruined? I've always had the best of the best in education. What would happen to me if I went somewhere not so prominent? What if I didn't get into the "right" college? What if I made a mistake? What if? What if? What if?

Deep breath. Let's continue.

On the other hand we have our flexible fellow Country Boy. Country Boy "tries all the professions...and always like a cat falls on his feet" (147). He doesn't worry about following expectations; he just is self-reliant and trusts in himself to survive any odds. "Few and mean as [his] gifts may be, [he] actually [is], and do[es] not need...any secondary testimony" (136) to his worthiness to walk the earth. There is a lesson to be learned here, kids.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it is not very easy for Bishop's kids, talented and precious as we are (no, I'm not exaggerating, for once there is no sarcasm) to walk instead of run. For example, look at all the kids killing themselves over AP Chem (you could probably apply this to any advanced class). How many are there because they truly are passionate about the subject? How many are there because their parents want them to be? And, more interestingly, how many are there simply because it was the "next logical step" or "necessary to get into college"? I know, I know, cliche, cliche, but listen up. Back to my life story. I was in the Exeter (accelerated) program in math until this year. Entering into Advanced Precalculus Honors because it was the logical continuation after Math 5 Accelerated, I quickly realized that I didn't belong there. Great class, just not for me. How many of us take advanced classes, or play varsity sports, or do community service, just because it is "the thing to do"? For what reason are we diving into pools we don't like swimming in, instead of the ones we do (metaphorically)? Is it really all about that pesky little issue we call "c-o-l-l-e-g-e"? Honestly, what's so important about college? Do we all really want to go there? Or are we just going through the motions? Think about it. Why do you want to go to college? My mother says that a college degree today is what a high-school diploma used to be: you can't get a job without it - or at least a job she sees me doing. She's right, though. I'm an academic, because I was born or molded that way I don't know. I have my own reasons for wanting to go to college, seperate than society's reasons. But what about you? What is your life story? Do you really want to go to college? Or do you, as the Country Boy, want to have "no shame in not 'studying a profession'" and "not postpone [your] life, but live...already" (147)? The choice is yours: do what society expects of you, or chose your own path, whether it fits society or it doesn't. Are you self-reliant enough? Are you brave enough? Are you game?